In my opinion, losing a best friend is even more excruciating than the break up between a girlfriend/boyfriend. Granted, they are both horrendous and not ideal however losing a best friend can make you feel like the loneliest person in the world.
I don't feel as though friendship breakdowns are talked about as much as relationship breakdowns are and so it is harder to find advice on the subject when faced with the situation. We all know the routine after a break-up:
-eat chocolate
-cry
-watch the notebook
-cry more
-block them on facebook
- call your best friend ...
But what happens when this time, the break-up is between you and your best friend? Who do you call and cry to? And who do you watch the notebook with?
I have been through 3 major best friend break-ups in the last 18 years and each has been just as dreadful. I like to think I am a good friend but I make mistakes and whether the eventual breakdown of these friendships occurred due to fault of my own or the other individual is irrelevant. When you have so much trust and love for another human being and the friendship goes south you need an action plan.
1) Delete social media- Stalking your ex bestfriend on Facebook/snapchat/instagram will NOT help you. Seeing posts of them and their friends having fun is the last thing you need right now.
2) Focus on yourself- Whether this might be your health, your mental health, your job, your studying, it's important to immerse yourself into something that takes your mind off the situation, even if it's temporary.
3) Learn to love your own company- spending time alone doesn't have to be all bad. Learning to be on your own will help you to feel stronger and less dependant on others for company. I like to read a book and turn my phone off for a night at least once a week.
4) Remember why the friendship ended- It's easy to focus on the great parts of a former friendship and to forget the reasons it didn't work out. Remember the times your former best friend made you feel bad about yourself or let you down.
5) Don't bombard them with messages- I have learnt this step the hard way. If you feel its necessary for you to lay all your cards on the table and to tell them how you feel, do so with class and dignity. Do not make the friendship breakdown public and do not endlessly send them messages. If someone wants to talk to you, they will.
6) Don't talk badly about your ex friend- It's uncalled for and unnecessary and does nothing for your character but make you look immature and bitter ( avoid this even if you are immature and bitter).
7) If you bump into them, smile- Be the bigger person and smile. " It's far better to be the one who smiled than the one that didn't smile back"
Above all, focus on the friendships you still have. Things have a way of working themselves out and although right now it's terribly hard, time heals more than you think.
I have spent a long time regretting things that I have done and said to friends who I have cut ties with. Sometimes friendships naturally end and sometimes they end badly however it is important not to burn bridges if possible. Some things are unforgivable but we all make mistakes and it's important to remember that.
I still love every single one of my past friends and the truth is, if any one of them rang me up at 2 in the morning I would answer the call. I feel no anger towards any of them and I hope they know I still care.
I hope you never have to go through anything like this however if you do, look after yourself and try and stay positive.
Lots of love,
Millie x
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